


Tragedy of Vow

by LacieFuyu



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Grief, If You Squint - Freeform, Implied Mycroft Holmes/Greg Lestrade - Freeform, M/M, PAAAAAIN, Sad Ending, Tragedy, honestly prepare tissue, mourn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 09:03:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11033013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LacieFuyu/pseuds/LacieFuyu
Summary: "I will be back soon, Okay?"That was his last words to Sherlock.





	Tragedy of Vow

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! This is the Johnlock fic I mentioned in one of my fics.
> 
> Devastating only the right word to describe it.
> 
> Prepare tissue please.
> 
> Betaed by Guardian_Rose

Sherlock was bored. He had nothing to do and his only companion right now was the pillow in his hand and John was nowhere to be seen.

 

He opened his eyes and scanned his flat. There was nothing different from usual. It was still messily organised. Even though Sherlock was sure John wouldn't agree with him. He had been nagged about it a lot even though John eventually just sighed. Sherlock chuckled. Mother hen was the correct title for his fiancé through and through.

 

His eyes befell on the sofa in front of him. Where his fiancé usually sat in the flat. Sherlock smirked as he thought about it. He sometimes still couldn't get around the fact that he was engaged to John. It made his heart swell in happiness by the thought alone.

 

He looked down and his eyes darted to his engagement ring. He slipped it off his finger and fiddled with his ring. He would never admit it out loud but he really loved the fact they had paired rings like this. It was proof that him and John were connected.

 

He once thought to be married was nothing big, they would simply submit necessary files, sign some paper but that was it. It was supposed to be just another day to pass.

 

But now he couldn't help but hope for tomorrow to come faster because he would be married to the love of his life and his other hand would have another ring and it would be complete.

 

Despite his excitement there was also an odd feeling creeping up on him. He looked at the ring on his hand and smiled wistfully. He couldn't help but feel like it was just a dream. A cruel joke played by the world. That it wasn't real, that John was not in love with him. That he didn't deserve John's love.

 

He didn't want to think about it but he couldn't help it. Insecurity had always been in the back of his head and sometime it came back at odd times like this.

 

He was so focused on what was in his mind that he didn't notice his fiancé called him a few times and stared at him. When he realized it, he felt their lips lock. His eyes widened but then kissed back. It was such a tender kiss. Sherlock couldn't help but notice how soft John's lips were.

 

When John let go off him, Sherlock was still half-dazed and couldn't really process what had just happened. Sherlock didn't know what John saw in his expression but John laughed.

 

Sherlock touched his lips and tried to not smile. He bit his cheek. Trust his fiancé to get him out of his darkness. He liked his way of doing it and was not complaining of course.

 

John folded his arms on his chest and smiled smugly.

 

"Making you blush has always been fun" 

 

Sherlock threw him the pillow that John caught skillfully and he laughed again.

 

"It was your own fault for not responding when I called you few times because you were so focused. So I had to take drastic measures but I am sure you love it" 

 

John smirked as Sherlock covered his face with back of his hand and avoided John's smirk. Sherlock obviously tried to hide his blush which failed quite spectacularly. 

 

Then he felt John's hands on both sides of his head. John held his head gently and turned it to kiss his forehead. Sherlock smiled and this time let it be plastered on his face. John pulled back and smiled too.

 

Sherlock noticed John wore his coat. Sherlock tilted his head and raised his eyebrows. John answered his unspoken question.

 

"I have to go. There is something I have to take"

 

"And what would that be?"

 

John grinned and poked his nose gently. 

 

"And that would be a secret Sherlock"

 

Sherlock pouted which only receiving a shrug from John. Sherlock snorted. 

 

John smiled softly. 

 

"Just wait. You will love it."

 

"I’m counting on your words"

 

John winked and turned his back. Sherlock suddenly felt uneasy, then he stood, grabbed John's hand which stopped John in his track. John turned back his head. He raised an eyebrow. 

 

Sherlock bit his cheek and pushed back his uneasy feeling. Sherlock just shook his head and said it was nothing. It was ridiculous to begin with. John didn't need to know.

 

John only nodded. Sherlock was sure John didn't buy it from the look in his eyes but this was not really important. It was just a baseless feeling.

 

John pulled him into his embrace, circled his hand on Sherlock's neck and whispered. 

 

"I will be back soon, Okay?"

 

Sherlock buried his head in John's shoulder and nodded. John pulled back, kissed his cheek and said his goodbye.

 

Sherlock stared at the closed door and then he sighed. He sat back on his sofa and forced himself to relax.

 

XXXX

 

Sherlock was tapping his fingers repeatedly. He was restless. He couldn't get rid of the uneasy feeling he felt before John went outside.

 

He went around the flat and then sat again then went around again. Nothing could calm him. Not even playing his violin. 

 

Sherlock bit his bottom lip. He would hug John when he finally came back home. He didn't care whether John would find it weird. He didn’t care if it was illogical of him. He just wanted to make sure John was safe in his arms and get rid of his uneasy feeling.

 

Sherlock covered his face and sighed. He had to distract his mind for the time being. When he stood up from the sofa to reach for his violin, his phone started to ringing.

 

Sherlock pulled it from his breast pocket and smiled when he saw the name on the screen.

_ John _

 

Sherlock answered it.

“John! Where are you?”

But the one who answered it wasn’t John. Instead it was a timid voice.

 

“H-hello?”

Sherlock froze where he stood. It wasn’t John. Sherlock clenched his jaw.

“Who is this?”

“We are from St. Bart's hospital, Mr. Holmes. You are his emergency contact.”

 

Sherlock tried to control his breathing. There was nothing that could calm him right now. It was a call from the hospital. It was never good news. His mind already caught up with what might have happened which Sherlock pushed to the back of his mind. He didn’t want to know nor he wanted it to be true.

 

“Sir?”

“What happened to my fiancé?"

 

He heard a tiny gasp across the phone. The blood in Sherlock’s veins turned cold.

_ No. _

  

_ No. _

  

_No_.

  

_ Don’t confirm my fear _

  

“We are sorry to inform you, Sir but Mr. Watson was involved in an accident and is currently in the middle of surgery. It was…. Bad. I think you have to come here soon.”

 

Sherlock couldn’t process it.

  

John was in an accident.

  

_ Accident. _

 

John was currently in the middle of surgery.

  

_ Surgery _

 

Sherlock shoved his phone in to his breast pocket. He immediately ran out, ignored Mrs. Hudson who asked him what happened. In his mind, he chanted one name in fear.

 

_ John, John, John, John..... _

 

He stopped a Taxi in his way and told the driver to go to St. Bart's Hospital. There was nothing that could calm him. He kept biting his nails in an attempt to distract himself from his worry but it couldn't.

 

He kissed the ring on his finger. He prayed to all beings, to anyone who could hear it, for them to save John. He knew how weird it was of him to pray but he was desperate. He didn't want to lose John. Not when they finally were happy.

 

_ Please,  _

 

_ Don't take him away from me. _

 

 

XXXX

 

It might be the longest ride he ever had. When the driver said they’d arrived, Sherlock immediately ran toward the hospital. He asked where was his fiancé to the nurse. The nurse immediately led him in front of an operation room. She told him to sit and wait for the operation to be done.

 

Sherlock barely registered what the nurse was saying because his fears took over his mind. He was afraid.  _ So afraid.  _

 

Sherlock clenched his jaw. He wondered why everything had happened right now. When tomorrow was supposed to be a happy day where he was married to the man he loved so much, the love of his life.

 

It was like a cruel joke was being made by those beings who loved playing with human fates. It might sound ridiculous but that was what he thought. 

 

Sherlock sighed into his hands. He couldn't concentrate. His mind was too full of fears to think clearly. He hated this.

 

"Sherlock."

 

Sherlock looked up and was met with Mrs. Hudson's worried look. Whatever Mrs. Hudson saw in his face definitely made her worried because she immediately pulled him into her embrace, drawing soothing circles on his back.

 

Mrs. Hudson murmured something along "It'll be alright" and "He will be fine" but Sherlock couldn't trust it. Not until he saw him fine with his own eyes but he still let himself be assured by Mrs. Hudson. She anchored him to stay sane with all the waiting.

 

The waiting felt so long. Even though only a few hours passed, for Sherlock it felt even longer. He only wanted John to be alright. Why was it so hard to fulfill?

 

Then the operation room opened. Sherlock immediately stood up followed by Mrs. Hudson. The doctor who was still in his scrubs asked.

 

"Are you John Watson's family?"

 

"I am his fiancé, Doctor. Just tell me how is John?"

 

The doctor winced when Sherlock mentioned the word "fiancé". Sherlock’s eyes widened. His heart screaming in denial but his mind already caught up with the possibility.

 

"No..." Sherlock whispered "Not possible"

 

The doctor closed his eyes and looked down. He shook his head slowly. "We are sorry, Mr. Holmes. We couldn't save him." 

 

Sherlock took a step back in disbelief. He could see Mrs. Hudson start to cry but he couldn't care because his fiancé was dead. 

 

Sherlock was in denial but his mind knew the truth and the truth was too much for him. 

 

He couldn't process it. 

 

_ No _ . 

 

_ He didn't want to process it. _

 

He could heard Mrs. Hudson's voice and a few others he couldn't decipher but it sound familiar before the darkness finally embraced him.

 

Sherlock passed out.

 

XXXX

 

It was blurry when he awoke. He was disoriented and couldn't focus. Where was he? What time was it? What happened? 

 

All of them came back to his mind in a rush. Sherlock immediately sat up in hurry. 

 

"You finally woke up, Sherlock."

 

Sherlock turned to his right where he found his older brother sat on a chair beside the bed. He noticed he was at his flat. Sherlock clenched his jaw. 

 

Yes, it was his flat. His. No longer theirs. No longer him and John's flat because John was dead. Gone and never coming back. If only he stopped John that time, he might be still alive.

 

_ It's my fault. _

 

"You better stop your track of thinking, Sherlock"

 

Sherlock come out of his reverie and glared at Mycroft. 

 

"What are you doing here?"

 

"Don't give me that. I am worried after.... You know what I mean."

 

Sherlock looked down and closed his eyes. He clenched his fist so hard. He could hear Mycroft sigh beside him but he didn't care. Why even was he still there?

 

"Sherlock, look at me."

 

Sherlock stubbornly stayed still. 

 

"Sherlock, It is about Dr. Watson."

 

Sherlock looked at him and glared.

 

"I don't want to be played right now, Mycroft. You better go now before I lash out at you."

 

"I am not playing with you. It's about Dr. Watson's funeral. It will be held in a wee-"

 

"No."

 

Mycroft tilted his head in question.

 

"What?"

 

"Hold it tomorrow. Tomorrow was supposed to be our wedding day.... and I have to say my wedding vows to him tomorrow.  _ No matter what _ ."

 

Mycroft was taken back by that but he finally nodded. 

 

"I see. I will arrange it to be done tomorrow and there is another thing."

 

Mycroft pulled something from his breast pocket. It was a beautifully wrapped box but it was tainted by blood. He put it in Sherlock's hands.

 

"It was found in his coat pocket. I think it was for you, brother mine. I didn't open it because I am sure it was important and Dr. Watson wanted it to be you to see the thing inside it instead of me.”

 

Sherlock didn’t say anything. He played with it. It was a truly beautifully wrapped box but that beauty was almost haunting with blood tainting it. Sherlock didn’t want to open it, not when his older brother was there.

 

Maybe Mycroft could sense it as he stood up from the chair.

 

“I will excuse myself now but before that I have to tell you, what happened to him”

 

Sherlock tensed but Mycroft continued.

 

“He was saving a little girl on a crossroad. It was brave of him. The little girl is safe. Dr. Watson was truly a protector.”

 

Sherlock almost wanted to laugh out aloud because it was so John. He had always been like that, saved other people because he couldn’t just let them be hurt. John was his brave, kind and loyal fiancé who he loved so much.

 

_ Oh how much I had loved him but he is no longer here. My John is dead and I will never have him in my arms ever again. _

 

Sherlock bit his lip. He refused to cry in front of Mycroft and Mycroft sensed it. Mycroft turned his back and walked to the door. When he reached the door Sherlock said.

 

“Keep him close, Mycroft.”

 

Mycroft stopped in his track. He closed his eyes and sighed.

 

“I will.”

 

Mycroft closed the door as he said it. He left Sherlock alone.

 

Sherlock was afraid to open it. It was something John had said was a so-called secret. Even from the shape of box it was obvious what was contained in it. If only John let someone else fetch it maybe he would be here right now. John would had hiding the thing in Sherlock’ hands and still called secret until tomorrow.

 

_ But he was no longer here _

 

Sherlock’s mind supplied unhelpfully.

 

Sherlock shook his head and opened the box. He met to a pair of rings. It was simple design. The rings were a mix of rose gold and white gold. The step-down edge was rose gold and in the middle was the white gold. It was beautifully carved despite how simple it seemed but there was an odd part that looked weird like some part was left out on purpose. Both rings had that part. Sherlock connected them and his eyes widened.

 

It was shaped like a puzzle piece. His mind led him to one of the conversations he had had with John.

 

_ “We are like a puzzle piece, aren’t we?” _

 

_ John raised an eyebrow. _

 

_ “Do tell me why” _

 

_ Sherlock smirked _

 

_ “We complement each other. You help ground me and likewise. Don’t you think the same?” _

 

_ John smiled softly. _

 

_ “I do, Sher. I do.” _

 

Then, Sherlock cried. He was so mad, in denial and frustrated about what had happened, all of it overshadowed his sadness, his grief and his emptiness.

 

It felt like there was a hole in his heart and nothing could fill it. The sense of loss was palpable it was so painful. He gripped his left chest hoping it would be better but it was still painful.

 

He cried. He cried for the future with John that no longer existed. He cried for losing the love of his life. He cried for losing his complement, his perfect puzzle piece and the worst of it he cried for the fact that he knew he could never see him again, he no longer could hear his laugh, see his smile, his everything.

 

He missed him already.

 

_ Yes _

 

Sherlock Holmes missed John Watson so much

 

And he always would be.

 

XXXX

 

It was a private funeral. There were only a few people. John’s only family was Harry Watson. Sherlock could see she was still crying in disbelief and Mrs. Hudson tried to calm her.

 

There was Molly who was also crying, beside her was Lestrade along with Mycroft. Lestrade drawing a soothing circle on her back, trying to calm her down. Mycroft was stoic as usual but there was a hint of sadness there.

 

Sherlock couldn’t really feel anything right now. He was so numb. He blocked all the feelings he felt. The pain he felt was too painful for him to bear. Blocking it was the right move.

 

He wore his suit that was supposed to be for their wedding today but ironically instead of attending their wedding and being married to the love of his life he was attending the funeral of his fiancé.

 

Sherlock bit his lip. He still couldn’t make sense of it. Yesterday they were so happy. They were making jokes, laughing, kissing but look at what happened. John was right now lying still inside the casket.

 

The photo they used was the one where he smiled softly into the camera. It was enough to make him feel the pain in his heart. He really missed him.

 

Sherlock took a deep breath and started to recite his wedding vows with a few changes in them.

 

“I was someone who thought love was nothing but weak sentiment. Not only love but emotion in general. Even so I fell for you, John Watson. You, who had the bravest and kindest heart, you who always tried to help people when they needed it. I never intended to fall for you but here I am. I would have said ‘even when we keep losing each other, we eventually find our way back’ but that would be wrong. I have lost you after all. It’s painful to lose you, I feel like there is a gap inside my heart and I know it will never be filled by anyone. Even with the pain of loss I feel for loving you, for me it is still the best decision I ever made. You are dead John but I will always love you until death comes to me.”

 

In the middle of reciting his vow, his tears fell slowly onto his face. Then as soon as he finished reciting the vow, Sherlock was sobbing.

 

_ He missed him so much. _

 

_ He loved him so much. _

 

_ He wanted to hear his laugh again. _

 

_ He wanted to see his smile again. _

 

_ He wanted spend more time with him. _

 

**_But it was no longer possible._ **

 

Sherlock traced John’s photo with his finger and said.

 

“Goodbye John Watson, My perfect puzzle piece. I, Sherlock Holmes-Watson will always love you.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Yell to me at twitter
> 
> @Delveiryu18
> 
> or Tumblr with same user name as this ^___^


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